Top Ten Worst Art Pieces Ever, Starting With the Mona Lisa

Today at JackGallery, we’ve decided to make an important post about some of the worst art ever made. Who makes it? How do you recognize it? What can YOU do to prevent it? We’ve done some research on what some of the worst pieces of art are, and are sharing with readers so that they can become art aficionados.

10. The Mona Lisa

This is a pretty obvious choice to make the list, but it’s not the worst of the batch, so it starts us off at number ten. Clearly, this Da Vinci guy must have been some sort of hobbyist who didn’t really know how to catch the finer subtleties of the human face. It’s understandable, from what I’ve read, Da Vinci was more of an engineer — you know, helicopters and the like — and art was just something he did on the side. Well, stick to your day job, pal. I think as an April Fool’s Joke, Wikipedia falsely states that this painting is hanging in the renowned Louvre museum in Paris, France. Well, I’ve seen that movie with Tom Hanks, and let me tell you, there’s no way this guy Da Vinci would ever get one of his works in the Louvre.

9. The Thinker by Rodin

Why is this sculpture on the list, you ask? The proportions are splendid, the execution is magnificent, the expression is indeed thoughtful, but I think what we have to consider is whether the sculpture is really thinking. I mean, how gullible do you think we are, Rodin? I’m sorry, but I don’t think that brains can be made out of bronze, and it is pretty deceitful to imply otherwise. Seriously.

8. Boy with Pipe by Pablo Picasso

Listen, smoking is bad for you, and no one this young should be smoking a pipe. This painting is number eight as a matter of principle. Just a little PSA from us to you.

7. A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte by Georges Seurat

This is going to sound absolutely crazy, but this is not a painting. I know that it looks like one, but it’s complete and utter trickery, a hoax like the Abominable Snowman or Global Warming. It’s just DOTS. So don’t be fooled into thinking that these dots masquerading as art are really art. They are like the gum drops you might buy when going to see a movie: completely artificially flavored.

6. The Treachery of Images by René Magritte

Yes. It. Is.

5. Nude Descending a Staircase, No 2 by Marcel Duchamp

Not to be crude, but I think that the painter, Marcel Duchamp, may have never seen a naked body and was just making it up as he went along. It’s like the model is made out of Cubes from the Future or something.

4. Figure 4 by Jasper Johns

I think my decision to rank this number four is fairly self-explanatory.

3. Bieres de la Meuse by Alphonse Mucha

At first I really liked this image. It’s full of rich color and nice lines. The girl is very well rendered and the composition as a whole is incredibly well-made. And then I realized it was trying to sell me beer! Then I just started to think about beer and how I didn’t want to be at work anymore, but wanted to hang out at a bar full of flowers with a pretty girl like the girl in the picture, and… and it’s just not fair. Art shouldn’t make me think about how hard my life is. So whatever, no beer for me, and this painting is at number three. Sigh.

2, Girl With A Pearl Earring by Johannes Vermeer

At number two, we have Girl With a Pearl Earring. Why did I pick this to be the second worst painting of all time? Well, it’s not that bad, okay, but I think my major pet peeve is that it just wasn’t as good as the original movie in 2003 with Colin Firth and Scarlett Johansson. I can’t stand it when some bigshot artist takes it into their head that they should adapt a masterpiece into some shadow of its former self. Why would anyone ever want to make a painting based on a movie is beyond me.

2. No. 5. 1948 by Jackson Pollock

Finally at number one, we have No. 5. 1948 by Jackson Pollock. Why is this number one? Well, my major argument is that it is so easily reproducible When I first saw this painting, which is rumored to have sold for $140 million in 2006, I decided that I bet it wouldn’t be that hard to remake. I went out and bought 12 gallons of paint of totally different colors and a 96″x48″ canvas. Then I got some puppies. Like, 20 puppies, maybe give or take. Really cute ones — it’s important that they were cute. I put the canvas on the floor surrounded by all the gallons of paint of my living room, and I put my cat, covered in bacon, in the center of the canvas. I then let loose all 20 puppies and closed the door to the room for about an hour. Not only did I get a perfect recreation of this famous painting by Jackson Pollock, but all of my pets got some great and much needed exercise! My living room is also redecorated as a result to look like an abstract expressionist wonderland. If you ever want to check it out, maybe we can hang out? No pressure.


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3 Comments on “Top Ten Worst Art Pieces Ever, Starting With the Mona Lisa”

  1. […] I think as an April Fool’s Joke, Wikipedia falsely states that this painting is hanging in the renowned Louvre museum in Paris, France. Well, I’ve seen that movie with Tom Hanks, and let me tell you, there’s no way this guy Da Vinci would ever get one of … This entry was posted on April 1, 2010 at 2:48 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post’s comments. You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site. …Continue Reading […]

  2. Fab Says:

    This article is really funny.
    Maybe there should be a design-related article about everyday designer items being mistaken for other objects and not efficient as such in the same vein.
    Love your humour

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